Replacing Resentment

Over the last several posts we have looked at the need to "put away" resentment toward those who have hurt you as seen in Ephesians 4:31. But in in verse 32 we learn that we also need to replace that resentment with a few things such as:

Kindness - Doing things that are useful and helpful to those who have hurt you.

Tender-Loving Kindness - A little boy was once asked what the difference was between kindness and tender-loving kindness. He said that if he was hungry and you gave him a piece of bread, that would be kindness. But if you spread some jam on that bread, that would be tender-loving kindness.

Forgiveness - We have already defined forgiveness in earlier posts. But maybe you are thinking, "that person doesn't deserve my forgiveness!" You might be right. But the root word for forgiveness in the original language is where we get the word "grace" (getting something we don't deserve). Let me ask you something. Did you deserve the forgiveness of God? Absolutely not! So you too are obligated to forgive those who have hurt you - even if they don't deserve it!

Be sure to read my other blog at www.folkslisten.blogspt.com. You can leave a comment at either blog or email me directly at skdistler@gmail.com.

The Levels of Bitterness

We saw in our last posting that Ephesians 4:31 tells us to "put away" or abandon all resentment. We also stated that the Apostle Paul listed 6 levels of resentment that grow like building blocks. The first 3 levels are all inward while the last 3 levels are all outward. In the last post we examined level #1 which was bitterness. Today we see the remaining levels.

Level #1 - BITTERNESS

Level #2 - WRATH - This is a hot anger or passion that you feel inwardly that comes and often leaves very quickly. And if you don't "put away" resentment at this level it moves on to level 3.

Level #3 - ANGER - This is an internal smoldering or a deep, subtle feeling. It is the strongest of all inner passions. Now, instead of a passing passion, it becomes an abiding condition of the mind. You can't stop thinking about how much that person has hurt you and your thoughts are almost always centered on revenge. If you don't "put away" resentment at this level it moves on to level 4 which now becomes outward in nature.

Level #4 - CLAMOR - This word speaks of a shout or an outcry. Now you have public outbursts against that individual that are seen by others. This is illustrated by the Pharisees and Sadducee's "clamor" seen in Acts 23:9. If you don't "put away" resentment at this level it moves on to level 5.

Level #5 - SLANDER - This is speech made with the intent to injure. Now we say hurtful things to or about the person you resent. This word is also translated "railing" and describes words said to Jesus while He was on the cross. If you don't "put away" resentment at this level it will move on the 6th and final level.

Level #6 - MALICE - This is a general term for vicious behavior. At this level you do evil things to the person that you never thought you had the capability of doing.

But once you have "put away" resentment, you must also replace it with something else. We will talk about that in my next post.

Be sure to read my other blog at www.folkslisten.blogspot.com. You can leave a comment at either blog or email me directly at skdistler@gmail.com

The Seed of Bitterness

In Ephesians 4:31, we are told to "put away" resentment. The idea is to "take-up" or to "remove" something. This involves total abandonment. We are not just to keep our resentment toward those who may have hurt us under control - we are to put it away - abandon it. And this is written in the imperative mood making it a command rather than an option. In other words, to be in the will of God you must "put away" all resentment in your life that you have toward others.

Paul then gives us 6 levels of resentment. These are like building blocks. If you don't "put it away" at level one - it moves to level two. If you don't "put it away" at level two - it moves to level three (and so on). The first three levels are all inward. In other words, it is possible to get all the way to level #3 and keep it all inside of you. But the last 3 levels are outward. You can't get to levels 4, 5 and 6 without others seeing it in your life.

Level #1 is BITTERNESS. This describes a smoldering resentment or a grudgeful attitude. It can be very small. Hebrews 12:14-15 calls it a "seed of bitterness". Sometimes you don't even know that a seed is even there. This is that little feeling you get in the pit of your stomach when you see or hear about a certain individual. It's easy to just brush it off as no big deal. But one thing we do know about seeds are that they grow and some of them can grow very big. We learn in Acts 8:21-23 that bitterness may start as a seed but it can grow into a deep, inner agony in your life and the lives of those around you.

Bitterness is just level #1 in the 6 levels of resentment that we are to "put away". We'll see the remaining levels in my next posting.

Be sure to read my other blog as well at www.folkslisten.blogspot.com. You can leave a comment at either blog or email me directly at skdistler@gmail.com.

Forgiveness and Patience

We saw in the last blog posting that forgiveness is not forgetting. We saw from 1 Corinthians 13 that forgiveness is choosing not to use the pain of past hurts as a weapon today or in the future. This ties in closely with another description of love found in 1 Corinthians 13. The very first descriptive phrase about love in this chapter is this:

"Love is patient!"

This word, "patient", describes someone who has been wronged, has the power and right to retaliate, but chooses not to do so. In other words - they forgive.

I think a great human example of this in Scripture surrounds the Christmas story. Mary is espoused to be Josephs' wife. This means that they were legally married but were not allowed to consummate that relationship sexually. In fact, in the very conservative area of Nazareth it is doubtful that they would have even been allowed to have been alone together. So imagine the surprise on Joseph's face when he learns that Mary is pregnant. I guarantee that his first thought was not, "I bet this is some kind of virgin conception."

Think about it. In Joseph's mind there was only one plausible answer - Mary had wronged him in the deepest of ways. And according to Old Testament law, Joseph could have called for Mary to be stoned. He had been wronged (or so it seemed) and he had the power and the right to retaliate. But what did Joseph do? He chose instead to put Mary away quietly. he decided to end the espousal in a way in which the reason didn't even have to be made public. Joseph exhibited a love that was patient. That, to me, is a beautiful picture of forgiveness.

Be sure to read my other blog at www.folkslisten.blogspot.com. You can leave a comment at either blog or email me directly at skdistler@gmail.com.

Is Forgiving Forgetting?

I ended the last series of posts on the pit of betrayal by talking about the most important element of healing from such a wound - the need to forgive. But what exactly is forgiveness? I have found that most people have a distorted view of forgiveness. The reason for this is because just about every one of us grew up being taught this:

FORGIVENESS is FORGIVING and FORGETTING!

Now there are two problems with this statement that we all learned as kids. First, it is not Biblical. You will not find anywhere in the Bible where it teaches that forgiveness is forgetting. And second, it simply isn't possible. Can you really forget the times people in your life, especially those closest to you, hurt you? I don't think so. So if forgiveness is not forgetting, than what is it? 1 Corinthians 13 gives us the answer.

In this great love chapter (in which the context is love in the church, not love in marriage) Paul gives us several descriptions of love. Each of them are actions, not feelings. And about halfway through the list he writes,

"Love keeps no record of right and wrong."

This is describing someone who keeps a ledger of what is owed them so it can ultimately be repaid. Love doesn't do that. Love does not keep a mental record of what someone has done to hurt you in order to pay them back when the opportunity arises.

You see, forgiveness remembers. But forgiveness does not remember in order to use the past hurt as a weapon in the future. Forgiveness says that even when I remember the hurtful pain of the past, I will not use that remembrance against the person who inflicted the pain on me. Oh, I will be tempted to - probably many times and for many years. But every time the memory of my past hurt tempts me to seek some type of present revenge, I will say NO to that temptation. This is forgiveness.

Be sure to read my other blog at www.folkslisten.blogspot.com. You can leave a comment at either blog or email me directly at skdistler@gmail.com